Is this a good introductary paragraph? The first sentence is my thesis statement?
Jefferson was an avid advocate for states’ rights who struggled to maintain his philosophy of government the same throughout his term as president, but outside forces such as Napoleon bargaining Louisiana territory and the Bank of the United States persuaded Jefferson to switch sides (or philosophies??). On the other hand the Kentucky Resolutions and the war with Tripoli were attempts by Jefferson to maintain his vision of America which was: sovereign states were self govern and war was to be avoided at all cost, however, war became inevitable with the Barbary state, Tripoli.
im 15 so i might not be too historian savvy as yourself but i do know enough to know that Jeffeson had a hard time accepting Napolean’s Offer since it did not follow his strict interperatations of the Constitution and even wanted to make a new constitutional amendment to justifty that he was not break his own rule of “strict construction”
This is just a suggestion; only minor changes. ‘avid and advocate’ seem to clash when you speak them out aloud.
Good luck with your thesis. It is a good introduction.
Jefferson was a KEEN advocate for states’ rights who struggled to maintain his philosophy of government CONSISTENTLY throughout his term as president, but outside forces such as Napoleon bargaining Louisiana territory and the Bank of the United States persuaded Jefferson to switch sides (or philosophies??). On the other hand the Kentucky Resolutions and the war with Tripoli were attempts by Jefferson to maintain his vision of America which was: sovereign states were self GOVERNING and war was to be avoided at all cost, however, war became inevitable with the Barbary state, Tripoli
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